Berkompetisi dan Bertahan

Beberapa hari belakangan ini gw jadi takut dan bingung. Entah apa yang gw kejar dalam hidup ini.
I am an OVERTHINKING person. But, I got NOTHING in my thought.

Setelah gw berbagi cerita dengan teman gw, dia memberikan pidato dari seorang lulusan di Amerika sana. Dan mirip dengan gw memang. Di pidato itu dia menyatakan protes terhadap sistem pendidikan di Amerika.
Berikut cuplikan pidatonya yang menurut gw sangat menginspirasi

 There is a story of a young, but earnest Zen student who approached his teacher, and asked the Master, "If I work very hard and diligently, how long will it take for me to find Zen? The Master thought about this, then replied, "Ten years." 
The student then said, "But what if I work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast - How long then?" Replied the Master, "Well, twenty years." "But, if Ireally, really work at it, how long then?" asked the student. "Thirty years," replied the Master. "But, I do not understand," said the disappointed student. "At each time that I say I will work harder, you say it will take me longer. Why do you say that?" 
Replied the Master, "When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path."

 Waktu salah satu mata lu tertuju ke tujuan akhir, maka lu cuma tinggal punya satu mata untuk melihat jalan yang harus dilalui ke sana.

But I contest that I am a human being, a thinker, an adventurer – not a worker. A worker is someone who is trapped within repetition – a slave of the system set up before him. But now, I have successfully shown that I was the best slave. I did what I was told to the extreme.

 When I leave educational institutionalism, will I be successful or forever lost? I have no clue about what I want to do with my life; I have no interests because I saw every subject of study as work, and I excelled at every subject just for the purpose of excelling, not learning. And quite frankly, now I'm scared.

Cewe ini begitu pinter, dan dia berhasil lulus dengan nilai yang bagus. Tapi sekarang dia sadar bahwa dia cuma sekedar budak. Dia melihat semua pelajaran itu bukan sebuah pembelajaran tapi sebuah pencapaian. Dan sekarang ketika pencapaian dia udah "habis" atau "selesai", dia menjadi takut. Karena dia gak tau apa yang harus dikerjain lagi.

Mungkin sekarang saatnya gw belajar gak cuma berkompetisi tapi juga harus bisa bertahan di dalam hidup ini.

TO  BE A PERSON I WANT TO BE, not FORCED TO BE.

Here I Stand
Erica Goldson
June 25, 2010